Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I love hanging lights, which has become an event with my kids. What a blessing to have them willing to help me! What other time of year to do you totally redecorate your home for one month! Kinda crazy actually, but still I love it.
So when this year, as the big day draws near, my kids are coming to town, what should happen but a crazy thing like Bells Palsy! What on earth! Wake up one morning and I’m having trouble drinking my coffee! Next thing I know I’m feeling numb around my eye, down my cheek, throat, neck and tongue. My nurses mind kicked in and I thought I had a brain tumor! No stroke..I know what that would look like!
But I had had a viral infection for the past couple weeks, and that is a precipitating factor. I am grateful that it is minor. You couldn’t tell to look at me. Other people have a major drooping of their face. Only when I talk, eat, or drink is it noticeable. I have major eye pain is the problem.
Here’s the thing. In the past I would have been asking God why? Why now? Did I need this? Kinda like He inflicted this on me. Like He is trying to teach me a lesson. My friend said those things, not to criticize that for sure, it’s the way we have always thought until now. It doesn’t feel good. He isn’t able to meet me in my disappointment when I ask questions like that. Some tweeking of our thoughts and words and you have a different statement. Instead of “Why now God? Why did YOU allow this to happen. What are You trying to show me, teach me? What did I do wrong?”
My new mantra is “What timing! God I need you to help me through this. Help me rise above.” What a difference it makes. He is my ally after all. He created the world not to be like this. It was suppose to be blissful. We are the ones to mess it up. Thus I have a weak body, one that I sometimes I wear down by doing too much. I live in a broken world where illness and tragedies occur. When I look at life this way, it’s so calm. Am I bummed? Oh yeah. Being on prednisone is causing me to be kinda crabby and awake all night. Am I sad that it might affect my time with my kids home from MN, you bet! But with God as my partner, not the one inflicting this on me, I can overcome the earthly struggle I have encountered. I feel His encouraging presence.
And what a minor thing it is. As families face loved ones missing, others grieve the loss of loved ones lost in the past. Families have loved ones over seas serving our country and the people of the countries in which they serve. Yeah, mine is rather insignificant. It’s not to make myself feel guilty for my feelings, but it puts it all in perspective.